A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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