you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
