I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
