The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The adults are the big ones right?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
