i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
