I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
