remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
