Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize