Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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