Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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