I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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