I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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