I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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