i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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