Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
