I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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