i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
