sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
