I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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