$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
