Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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