i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
