Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize