Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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