Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
