He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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