peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize