I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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