so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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