So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
not ubering you a puppy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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