I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Houston, we have a blender
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
