Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
