is wine microwaveable?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
