so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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