I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
