I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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