The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
