Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
