Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize