I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
