we have pet lesbian snakes
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
