I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
