he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
