My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so let's talk penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
