I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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