You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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