It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
