After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
