I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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