I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
