Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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