I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
