im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
