I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize