Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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