I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
