someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
false alarm, still single
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
