He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
