He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
