tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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