I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How does one acquire holy water?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
