No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
