If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
