this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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