You can't motorboat a personality
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
