Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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