is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
