Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
