I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
