in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
