My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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