I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
