I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
