Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize