eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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