can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
