oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize