I got chris browned last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
